I went through the darkest time of my life which left its mark on my body. Let me start where makes most sense…
Just before the Covid pandemic my brother who was still in his 30s was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumour. He was given 3 years to live.
This rocked not only my world but the world of everybody who loved him. The most important person in his life was his newly born baby. We expect cancer to hit us as it is so common, but we do not expect it to take someone so young.
How do you deal with stress?
I had already been dealing with stress in my life. I had a stressful career and was surrounded by stressed out adults at breaking point. I was also in the process of starting a business with a friend who was also experiencing her own stress at the time. This mounted to the perfect storm. Not only that, it turns out I am a seasoned people pleaser! I believe this stems from when my dear mum who I love very much was going through menopause and was particularly snappy. Sorry mum. I truly love you very much! … and I understand I will make this hormonal journey myself one day!
Brain body connection
Long story short my hypothalamus was busy putting out fires at work, with my new business and everywhere else you can imagine! On top of that I had my wonderful little boy who came out as an emergency which plopped me right into postnatal depression (I am only aware of this in hindsight).
There were other things going on, but I would say this was the big stuff!
External factors
For the next few years, I was busy. When I say busy, I was busy busy busy! I was working non-stop. I was working out hard utilising online programs. I was people pleasing left, right and centre. I was caring for my extremely demanding baby (they all are!). I was also being the stress dump for my husbands stress as he only knows how to process stress by handing it over to me. We have since discovered and fixed this. All while watching my brothers health decline rapidly.
To add to this, a dear friend decided to be frosty with me due to what I can only guess is her discomfort with my level of heartache at the time. Since experiencing this level of grief, I have read this is very common. Regardless I cried for a full day and was left heartbroken at another loss.
Are you ticking the mindfulness box unmindfully?
Low and behold my body said enough is enough. Que Hypothalamic Amenorrhea. No periods. My body said this is not an environment good enough for us never mind another baby!
So, what did I do? Initially, I overwhelmed myself with wellness. I performed yoga daily. I focussed on breath work. I went to acupuncture. You name it I did it. I even put weight on knowing full well my weight was fine. Nothing worked.
Clarity
In walks my wonderful friend American friend. Karie is the worlds most wonderful listener. We spoke away about family, work and our yoga practice. Throughout our conversation Karie said very little and just let me blab on about all the things I am doing that “should be working”. Then the sky fell. CRASH!! I am overwhelming myself with wellness! Was I really present or was I ticking them off the to do list? Unfortunately, it was the latter.
The REAL turnaround
Ever since that moment, things started to turn around. I began looking after myself. I stopped doing anything that wasn’t serving me. I put together a programme of sustainable wellness that enables me to be strong, healthy and centred. Most importantly, it does not overwhelm.
I took a trip to Berlin with Karie to further our yoga training with Tara Stiles. Tara. Another wonderful human being provided me some Shiatsu and some words of wisdom. The weekend I came back from Berlin my cycle came back and it has remained strong.
A summary of what I have learned:
- I exercise with love for myself. There is no need to overwhelm. My daily 3/4 system works best for my busy lifestyle.
- I yoga often but I ensure I only do it for me. I must be present and not view it as another chore on the to do list.
- I breathe with intent for 5 minutes before I go to bed at night.
- I let others be who they are without feeling like I need to please them, make them happy or put out their fires. These people are still often unhappy. Remember, people are not projects. The best way to help them is to take care of yourself. In time this will spread to others.
If you would like help with this type of programming, click below…
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